service-not-included-review

On a night out (The horror......the horror)

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 08:10:39 +0100

I am always amazed when I got out in Tel Aviv and I think to myself , what were they thinking?
A perfect example is a fabulous restaurant called the "Container", situated at the Jaffa port. It is well located, has a fantastic menu and the food is excellent. On first glace, the perfect spot. Once we got seated inside, the hammer dropped! The music was so loud, no one could actually talk to one another without screaming or texting each other.

So if you are the kind of person who struggles to hold a conversation, or hates talking to other dinner guests, this is the place for you!
If you want to go on a first date with someone, but have nothing to say to them, this is the place for you!
If you are embarrased because you are going slightly deaf or do not pay attention to people when they talk to you. This is the place for you!
The only positive side as that the music, though loud, was quite good.

A second aspect of nightlife, and not just in Israel but around the world, is the concept that if it is LOUD, really LOUD, you are enjoying the music. If your eardrums are not bursting from the music, you are not having fun! Maybe I am getting old, but what is the point of going out and losing your hearing in search of a good time?

Another thing is that I am a white male, yes I know white men can't dance, We like "play that funky music white boy" and not gangsta "cap you in the ass" music. I was in a club the other night for a party and all they played was hip hop and gangsta music. I love variety but that night the only person enjoying the music was the DJ. Everyone else was picking their nails and yawning. In a country that has not moved from the 80's in terms of music and fashion, DJ take a hint.!!

On the positive side, the music scene is Israel is vast, fun with a wide variety or tastes and styles.

Rustico (a slice of Italy...the garlic region)

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 21:11:23 +0100

Nestled at 15 Rothschild is a wonderful Italian restaurant called Rustico. For a rustic and authentic italian culinary experience. The place sure has an italian feel and a dead giveaway is all the full garlic littered everywhere (should have been a clue!). The menu is also geared for italians and is NOT kosher. There is bacon, ham, cheese and shellfish on the menu. It is a Rabbi's nightmare. There is one thing I noticed, the waitrons had no visible tattoos. I think there is an inverse ratio of tattoos to pork. The more pork products served, the fewer the need to have tattoos, just a theory.

As in my previous posts, I am divided on the whole pork issue, but live and let live. The menu is fantastic, with great variety and the best of all is the service levels. The restaurant provided exceptional service, yes I will say is again, the service was exceptional.
On the food front, I had a salad starter, which consisted of lettuce, tomatoes, croutons, mushrooms and a garlic dressing (hmm second clue about the garlic) but it was tasty.
The main meal I chose was the red tuna linguine and it did say in the description that it was red tuna, garlic, and the rest. I think in a way it was false advertising, what they should have written was something like this:

"We take a base of raw garlic and place red tuna (marinated in raw garlic), tossed over young lettuce (with a garlic dressing) and accompanied by lunguine. Finally we delicately pour our famous garlic oil over the whole thing."

I am not saying the garlic was excessive, however, if I was living in the Transylvania, I could dispense with the traditional garlic necklace and have a restful nights sleep, without any fear of interruptions. The meal was guaranteed to keep vampires away, come to think of it, it is a guarantee to keep everything away.
Starters go for around NIS 15 and main meals are in the region of NIS 40 to NIS 60 (only 1125 Bangladesh Taka).

So in conclusion, Rustico is a slice of Italy, well priced, excellent service and quality. It is not kosher by any Israeli standards, even the reconstruction movement consider it not kosher. The food is good and I would definitely recommend it.

Fusushi (Phew sushi)

Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:20:45 +0100

Fusushi is a sushi bar on Yerimiyahu Street, right next door to Jeremiah's. Everyone I have spoken to rave about the place and frankly I do not see the big deal. It is one thinking to have good food, it is another to have a good experience of the food. I think Israelis are so used to such poor service, that the only redeeming factor for them is the food.
I went for lunch on a quiet day there. The staff were not very welcoming and abrupt.
Have you ever had the experience where you arrive before people, get served and receive the food after them? Well that was my exerience at Fusushi. We basically had to tackle the waitress, who obliged us in taking our order, like she was doing us a favour. We ordered the miso soup for starters, which was tasty and then had to wait 20 minutes for the sushi to arrive, after we threatened to leave. I mean it is sushi , it is not like you have to cook the damn food.
So on the whole, even though the sushi was good, the experience of the restaurant was not, service was not included, actually, it was not available.

Fusushi is also expensive for what you are getting. In comparison with other sushi bars, they are expensive, that is you are paying much more than the value you are getting. I therefor would not recommenfd going to Fusushi, rather stay at home and stick a pin in your eye, the experience is about the same , only in the comfort of your home.

Khachapuri (Georgia .....on my mind)

Tue, 28 Sep 2010 15:38:27 +0100

Whenever I think of Georgians, I think of big, hairy, full moustached people, a little bit like Stalin, and I am talking about the women here. So from the first statement you gather I have absolutely no idea about Georgia, Georgian women and Georgian food.
According to my scources (ok so I am making this up) Georgians are regarded as full blooded, hot tempered and suave people and this can be seen in their cuisine.
Khachapuri is a Georgian soul food restaurant located at 63 Nachlat Benyamin. Khachapuri (and no I am not making this part up) is a georgian speciality bread filled with cheese. From the sights and smells it is fantastic.
Khachapuri specialises in kosher dairy Georgian food and the restaurant has a fantastic deck outside. When I was there I noticed that the main customers where females? I realised that women enjoy healthy, tasty food and the opportunity to get smaller portions. Basically every women I know is one meal away from starvation because some insensitive man answered her honestly.
Just picture the scene

"Sweetie do these jeans make me look fat"
"No honey, it is all the junk food you eating that has enlarged your bum, that makes you look fat!"
"What..........you upset? ......................why .........................what did I say?"

The menu caters for all tastes. They have a great all day breakfast served with amazing georgian bread. They have georgian specialities like dumplings, khachapuri and even some pasta dishes. The highlight is definitely the freshly made breads. I love the fact that there is an option for half portions. Main meals are about NIS 30 (only 1,669 Hungarian Florint)
On the whole a fantastic place to enjoy good food, great value for money, fantastic location and if you are male a wonderful bird watching spot, if you female a great place to meet friends for a catch up kvetch session.

Bocadillo (Seville in Tel Aviv)

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:33:35 +0100

Located on 59 Nachlat Benyamin is a new restaurant called Bocadillo, which means a sandwich in spanish. So what is the big deal about sandwiches, Israel has a fortune of sandwich places. Well the big difference is the two owners , Noam and Moshe wanted to create an authentic spanish vibe in the heart of Tel Aviv, and have done so at this fantastic spot. The concept is simple and very similar to tapas, with a slight difference. The meals are basically small sandwiches, with a variety of fillings, from entrecote (steak) to smoked salmon and cream cheese. The restaurant is not kosher and serves meat dishes and milk dishes. You can order Cava (Spanish champaign) with your meals. They also serve platters, including great cheeses from Spain.
Noam was origanally an economist, I asked him why did he want to open a restaurant and what really differenciates his place from all the other places in Tel Aviv. The answer I got was great and refreshing. He understands that there are not many spanish type restaurants that offer this quality, at his prices. He also indicated how important service is to his customers, Eating out is an experience and he does not want people to say " went to Bocadilla and what a -ing experience, slow service , bad food!"
Each sandwich is only NIS 16 (About 500 Indian Rupee) and different platters cost from NIS 16 to 89. The food is filling, fresh, fantastic and fabulous. Service was also fast and friendly.

If you want a different food experience , Bocadillo is the place.

Chinese Wall (Beijing in the heart of Tel Aviv)

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:33:47 +0100

Chinese Wall is found on Mikva Israel Street and is just like any restaurant you can find in Beijing. The good news is, ,unlike in Beijing, you will not find dog, cat, pig brains, pork, sea cucumber or bullfrog stew....sorry...the place is kosher.
The story goes that the owner came to Israel 19 years ago from Beijing and for some unknown reason, decided to convert to judaism and open a chinese restaurant. I think the laundry business was kinda saturated in Tel Aviv.
The restaurant could be anywhere, Beijing, Hong Kong, New York, but the food is typical chinese.
The menu is in both hebrew and english. The starters are fantastic, including spring rolls, chicken sweet corn soup and won ton soup. Starters go for NIS 12 ( RMB 20 (Chinese YUAN)).
There is the traditional chicken, beef, fish, duck and vegeterian dishes, with rice or rice noodles. The sauces are sweet and sour, schuazan (hot and spicy), honey and cashew and crispy chicken.
The mains range between NIS 32 to NIS 89 for the duck (RMB 30 to RMB 50) and very tasty. The restaurant also has set menus for 2 or more people and includes starters or soups, main courses, which is great if there is a few people, as you can sample more dishes.
On the whole this is a great value restaurant, kosher, tasty and everyone working there is both chinese and jewish.

The chinese are known to eat anything and everything, from silkworms and scorpion kebabs, to every part of a pig, including the oink.

Silkworm and snake kebab

Just a song to rub it in. Do not worry, this place is kosher and the only funny things in the food is tofu.

Bar Gurion (Thought ...the strenuous art.)

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:34:56 +0100

Anyone who hears the name Ben Gurion thinks automatically about one of the founding fathers of the modern state of Israel. Streets, airports, hospitals are all named after him, and so is this great restaurant found at 177 Ben Yehuda Street.

Ben Gurion stated that the nation would " uphold the full social and political equality of all its citizens, without distinction of religion, race or sex." Nowhere can this ideal be better seen that in this restaurant. Anyone from different social backgrounds can come and enjoy a meal. All you have to do is sit down and pick something from their vast menu. There are a variety of pastas, salads, main courses and sandwiches at great prices. The cost of a main meal is NIS 30, Sandwiches go for NIS 25 and they have a fantastic all day breakfast for only NIS 30 (or 7500 Nigerian Naira). The restaurant caters to meat eaters and vegeterians and any sex can come and enjoy the food. I have personally seen both males and females eating at Bar Gurion. So it goes to show that they live up to his ideals. They also do not have a judgement on your religious orientation, as long as you do not want kosher food, you will be ok.

Ben Gurion quoted that "anyone who does not believe in miracles is not a realist" and again Bar Gurion lives up to this ideal. I thought it is a miracle to get good service in Israel, and I must now add that I am a proud realist. The service is good, the food is fresh, well priced, the portions are adequate and the food tasty. This place is great if you want a budget meal and NOT for special occassions. This is not a place to take someone and ask them for their hand in marriage.

Ben Gurion also said that "thought is a strenuous art- few practice it, and then only at rare times."
I tend to identify strongly with this statement, especially when I see one of the waitrons working there. She is sooo thin, everytime I walk in to the place I get hungry just by looking at her. She has no tattoos ....I know, you wondering how she got the job? She has a few piercings , 5 in the head, 4 in the ears, 20 in the nose, a compensation of sorts.
I always wonder, what were you thinking?

So if you cannot think of a good place to go eat, this one is a no brainer, Bar Gurion on 177 Ben Yehuda. You will not be disappointed.
Please Note: Maybe the name has to do with the location of the restaurant, it is near Ben Gurion's House, near the Ben Gurion Boulevard. ......maybe not!

I have selected a tattoo inspired by Little Brittian, to highlight the "thought, the strenuous art" relating to tattoos. I hope you enjoy.

Casserole (A gem in Neve Tzedek)

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:36:33 +0100

Nestled near the end of Lilenblum (No 3 Lilinblum) just by Neve Tzedek is a gem of a restaurant called Casserole. The story goes that the owner, who grew up on all this fantastic Iraqi and Morrocan food, went one day to his parents and asked why they do not make the food from his childhood. He really missed it and decided to open up a restaurant, where he will make his favourite food from his yester years. So he gathered all the family recipes and opened his little place.
Either that or he was telling me the stock market news, it was told to me in Hebrew and I might have missed some important bits, so I improvised. I think my story is much more interesting anyway.

The restaurant is Kosher and serves simple Iraqi and Morrocan type food. The place caters for both meat eaters and vegetarians, and true to form has a lovely waitress , with lots of........yes, you guessed it ......tattoos.
In Israel you can have a masters degree from the Waiters Finishing School in Switzerland, but if you have no tattoos and visible piercings through your head, liver and nose, you will never get the any waitering job.

They have both hebrew and english menus. The food is Iraqi and on first inspection of the menu, I though,"oh there they go again, outsourcing the menu to china or using google translate !" I read a dish called muffrooms, Oh dear, I know what a mushroom is and have never seen it spelt like that EVER. Well this is not a mushroom , but an iraqi dish called muff-room. It is potato and ground meat and I understand it is quite delicious and not magic in any sense of the word. It is quite likely the most unmagically mushroom in the world. It is not even a mushroom.

The menu is simple and the restaurant is excellent value for money. Starters are NIS 9, first course plates are NIS 15 and mains are NIS 30. I had the Morroccan chicken stew with couscous and it was excellent, tasty and very filling. My friend had a vegeterian stew with couscous.
On the whole , the food is excellent, brilliant value for money and a friendly, hands on owner , who has a passion for great food.

Moon (Over the Moon)

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:36:35 +0100

Sushi is a fantastic food concept, simple to prepare and serve. Moon have taken this simple food and created a sushi sensation. The restaurant is situated on Bograshov street right opposite HaPizza. There are 2 seating areas, one on the entrance and one on a second level. The concept is simple, sit at the bar and either order off the menu or take plates of sushi off the conveyor belt. On entrance we shared 2 plated from the conveyor belt. In Israel, they have a fantastic sushi with cooked salmon and a tempura coating and another sweet potato wrap, absolutely fantasic taste. Please note there was NO mayonnaise or sweet tempura sauce or ketsup served with the sushi!

The menu is vast and great variety of starters, maki, californian rolls and salads. Moon is not kosher but the sushi is fresh ,well prepared and delicious. Sushi inside out rolls are served 4 per plate and there is a range of types of ingredients from salmon roe, sweet potato, tuna, yellow tail and even chicken.

Please be aware that Moon is considered premium priced, that is you do not need lubricant on entrance but the sushi is going to cost. This can be rationalised because the food is fresh and of the highest quality. I do not consider it expensive for what you are getting. Expensive is where you kiss everyone on entry because, I am sure like me, you also like to get kissed before you get screwed.

I have said the hardest part of sushi is using the chopsticks. And for the life of me I do not know why we still go to these restaurants and insist on using chopsticks. I mean surely our western culture has rubbed off on the Asians. Why has the use of knives and forks not been accepted by these people. Sitting next to me at the counter was a women who was struggling to break the chopsticks to use them. I realise that using chopsticks is quite a challange to people in general. Due to this fact I have attached a video on how to open and use chopsticks.

Sandwich Factory (Sandwich Artists)

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:37:15 +0100

Have you ever gone to a restuarant that specialises and is famous for the best meat in the city and ordered the pasta?....me neither, but today I went to the Sandwich Factory, a deli, that, specialises in sandwiches and ordered the salad.
In most peoples minds they would be thinking ....WHAT!...........it is called the Sandwich Factory, but to be honest all the food is good there. These guys could be considered sandwich artists like a pole dancer is considered a pole technician.
The Sandwich Factory is situated on Ahad Ha'am , just after Karl Netter Street and really specialise in supplying sandwiches to the offices in the area. They have been operating since 1995 you can order food and either sit and eat, or take the food away. The menu is vast and displayed in Hebrew and English. The deli is closed in the evening and only caters for the morning and lunch time trade.
The place is kosher and has a meat and a milk section. They are actually known for their pastrami, roast beef, pepperoni and chicken sandwiches. So why the salad?
Well, they have a fantastic make your own salad section, with fresh ingredients and great choices. There is a also a milk section where you can get tuna and cheese sandwiches. The food is great, well priced and they have a menu that caters to everyones taste, as long as it involves kosher ingredients.

I would definitely recommend their food and anything you get there is going to be excellent.